The 3-Influences and How It Shapes Your Fitness Mindset

The 3-Influences & How They Shape Your Fitness Mindset

Long before we ever decided to lose weight, build muscle, or “get healthy,” our beliefs about fitness were already being formed. Not by gyms. Not by meal plans. But by three powerful and often overlooked forces:

1. Verbal Influence

2. Modeling Influence

3. Specific Incidents

These influences shape our character, our expectations, and most importantly – our mindset. And whether we know it or not, they heavily dictate how we approach health and fitness today.

Understanding these influences and how they affect your fitness mindset isn’t just an interesting thought exercise. It can explain why we struggle with certain habits, why some goals feel harder than they “should,” and why we’re pulled in certain directions without knowing why. If you take even ten minutes to reflect on these 3-influences from childhood through adulthood, you’ll likely uncover patterns that determine your beliefs about your body, your abilities, and your fitness journey. Once you see how these influences have shaped your beliefs, you can finally choose which ones to keep… and which ones to rewrite.

Let’s break them down.

1. Verbal Influence: The Things We Heard

Verbal influence is everything spoken to us by the people who mattered most: parents, coaches, siblings, teachers, friends. These messages often become the “truths” we carry into adulthood without question.

Think about how many of us heard things like:

• “Don’t eat that—it’ll go straight to your thighs.”

• “Wait until you’re my age. Your metabolism will tank.”

• “We have bad genetics in this family. You’ll always have to work harder.”

• "Fat people are lazy."

• “You’re too thin—that’s not healthy.”

Even if said jokingly or casually, these comments leave impressions. Years later, those words can quietly reappear the moment we hit that age bracket… or when our body starts changing… or when we're pursuing a goal that contradicts the old message.

Verbal influence shapes what we believe is possible and what we believe is inevitable.

And because many of these messages come from people we trusted, we rarely question whether they were even true.

2. Modeling Influence: The Things We Saw

If verbal influence is what people told us, modeling influence is what people showed us.

It’s the old saying: actions speak louder than words, and in many ways, it’s the truest influence of all.

Maybe you grew up hearing:

• “Eat your vegetables.”While watching adults eat fast food.

• “Don't overeat.”While watching someone binge out of stress.

• “Health is important.”While watching people around you avoid exercise entirely.

‼️IMPORTANT MESSAGE‼️ For those of you who are parents – kids don’t just listen. They absorb. They observe. They mimic. And eventually – they replicate.

I grew up with a father who worked relentlessly; up early, home late, repeat. It shaped my beliefs about what work “should” look like, and I found myself repeating the exact same cycle in early adulthood. Not because I was told to – but because that’s what I saw. Fitness patterns work the same way.

If you grew up around people who didn’t exercise, who emotional ate, who constantly said they “didn’t have time,” you likely internalized those norms without realizing it.

Once you see that you’re repeating modeled patterns and not personal truths, you gain the power to change them.

3. Specific Incidents: The Experiences That Leave a Mark

These are the moments that hit hard enough to shape very strong beliefs; either reinforcing old messages or creating new ones. A great example of this is an old client of mine, Beth.

Beth’s Story: How the 3-Influences Shaped Everything – Literally.

Beth struggled to reach and maintain her goal weight. On paper, she was doing everything right. But something kept pulling her back.

When we discussed her three influences, things became very clear, very quickly.

Verbal Influence:

Growing up in a family were she was the thinnest, let me be clear...she was average weight, but smaller than the rest of the family, she was naturally thinner and very active. Instead of praise, she heard: “You need to eat! You’re too thin – it’s not healthy.” That message repeated over and over, leaving a deep imprint. So later, whenever she lost weight and approached her goals…that old belief resurfaced: “Being thin isn’t healthy.”

Modeling Influence:

Her family didn’t prioritize fitness or healthy eating. Their norms did not match the lifestyle she later tried to create. So she was constantly at odds with her internalized model of what “normal” looked like.

Specific Incidents:

As she lost the excess weight, she also lost breast size. Her husband didn’t like it and voiced disappointment. That became a new specific incident reinforcing an old belief: “This is bad. This is not okay.” So of course she would self-sabotage. Her subconscious was simply trying to protect her from what she had been told was “unhealthy,” “undesirable,” or “not acceptable.”

When she finally saw all three influences clearly, she was able to separate:

• what was hers

• what belonged to her family

• what was outdated

• what was actually supportive of her physical health and happiness

And when she rewrote those messages, her behavior changed – and her results followed.

More than a decade later, she’s still living in that success.

Why Mindset Matters for Your Fitness Success

Most people don’t struggle with discipline…they struggle with unexamined beliefs and where they came from. We’re not fighting our bodies; we’re fighting our subconscious programming. Here’s the good news:

Once you identify the messages and patterns from your 3-influences...

• You can choose what stays and what goes.

• You can choose beliefs that actually support your goals.

• You can choose actions that align with your values; letting go of your childhood conditioning.

A Simple Exercise to Start Rewriting Your Fitness Mindset

Take a few minutes and write down:

1. Verbal Influences

What messages did you hear growing up about:

• weight

• food

• fitness

• body image

• aging

• ability

Which of these still affect you today?

2. Modeling Influences

What behaviors did you witness?

• Did anyone exercise?

• What did meals look like?

• Was health prioritized or avoided?

• Were you taught balance or extremes?

Which of these patterns do you repeat today?

3. Specific Incidents

What moments shaped your beliefs?

• A comment about your weight

• A teasing moment

• A proud moment

• A failure

• A doctor’s feedback

• A partner’s reaction

Which incidents still echo in your decisions?

Once you understand the patterns developed from your influences, you can begin choosing to develop new ones that are in-line with your goals.

Final Thoughts

Your fitness journey is not about starting from scratch – it’s about understanding the story that shaped you, and deciding how the next chapter will be written. So – start writing a story and a fitness journey worth living; influencing others to do the same!

Let us know how we can help you with rewriting your fitness success story.

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